On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
