Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
