She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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