just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
