God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
