She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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