You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
