i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
