she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
