Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
