He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize