i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
