The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
