i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
