i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize