fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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