It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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