i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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