Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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