btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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