I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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