I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
