I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
