Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do herpes really smell.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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