My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sorry about my life...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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