I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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