If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
