Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
