we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
