I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
