Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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