I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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