Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
