I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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