i think my tv is drunk
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
