Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
