Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
