I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
honey bunches of taint.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
