she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize