Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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