So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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