Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
