I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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