mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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