Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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