Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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