Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
