Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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