Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize