Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize