I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize