lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize