I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize