Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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