very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
