She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
