Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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