I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
