He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
