I think I died a long time ago.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
