I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
