Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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