he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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