I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize