captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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