oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
