I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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