i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
