Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize