i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
