Your tits are I can't wait for
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
