how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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