My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
