he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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