Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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