I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
